Nomad
I was in the middle of writing an entirely different blog post, but something happened today that has completely sidetracked my thoughts. My aunt Patsy’s husband, my sweet uncle Don, graduated to Eternity. He’s one of the most joyful and gentle souls I’ve ever known. And while we’re so very happy for him that he is breathing the air of a place that is free of pain and heartache, we are left here to sort out the pieces. Shortly after my mom passed away in 2011, I went through a couple of months of depression. I’ve always written songs as a way of ordering my thoughts, so in that season’s deepest night, I wrote one called “Nomad”. Broken and aching and wounded and weary Falling and failing and fighting and torn Crawling on my knees to get where...
Read MoreLosing Control
Since I was a little girl, I’ve wanted to know how and why things happen. I like to understand what’s going on, to be able to predict an outcome, to have a certain amount of control over my world. Which is why I’ve had a hard time recently. For the last year and a half, I’ve been taking a medication to prevent the chronic migraines I’ve had since college. It helped for a time, but over the last few months, my migraines began to come back full force. Nothing I tried really made a difference, so after talking with my doctor, I decided to wean off the medication. The side effects of this medicine were difficult to deal with, even on the best days, so I was looking forward to having those chemicals out of my system. What I didn’t expect was how rough the weaning...
Read MoreThe Waiting
We thought it would be easy. We didn’t plan for our first baby. She arrived, an unexpected gift, eleven days before our first anniversary. So, naturally, we thought having more kids would be quick and uncomplicated. But we waited, and the years passed. One miscarriage. Then another. Our girl grew older and noticed all the other kids with siblings. She was lonely, she said. She wanted a sister more than anything in the world. And the fire burned deep and I needed to know why, but no answer came. Just a seed of quiet acceptance that grew until the day we gave away the crib, the clothes, the toys. But without telling us, she kept praying, unaware of all the reasons why her heart’s desire wasn’t likely to be granted. If I had known how she prayed, I might have...
Read MoreCommon Grace
My daughter is always finding four-leaf clovers. I mean all the time. She has an eye for it, so much that it’s almost commonplace. At least to us. Each time she comes tearing into the house with another, she’s wild with excitement. “Can you believe we have so many four-leaf clovers? We must have the luckiest yard in the world!” Nothing in life is wasted on this child. “Mom! Come quick!” I rush out to the living room expecting chaos and destruction. Instead I find her, face squashed against smudged glass. “Isn’t that the pinkest, most breathtaking sunset you’ve ever seen, I mean like ever? I didn’t want you to miss a second of it!” And first thing every morning, rain or shine, she’s barefoot out on the deck. “I just have to breathe the air, Mom.” My little...
Read MoreYou’re Gonna Be Great!
It’s that season again, when the graduation announcements come rolling in. Another crop of scholars, fresh-faced and starry-eyed, ready to sweat in their caps and gowns while commencement speakers everywhere wax eloquent about the keys to success and notoriety. And then off they’ll go to celebrate. And some of them will go on to do what they had planned all along and to succeed at it. But many of them will have things happen that will knock them off course, change their paths little by little or all at once. And there may come a point down the road, when they hear of former classmates who have advanced in their fields and are receiving acclaim, that they pause, look at where they have landed and think, “I really could have been something.” I found myself in...
Read More
Recent Comments