Right Now

Tutu    Breakfast had to wait.

She wore a tutu, and the song was perfect, she said. Her little legs stretched and stooped as she twirled wide, palms flung high. She knew this moment was one that needed to be celebrated, felt strong.

My little one lives unafraid.

I have a friend who lives this way, too. She feels things big and loves even bigger, and she never stops to think just how rare that is. It’s a beautiful thing to watch, and being on the receiving end of her 100 percent kind of love has changed me.

This thing we’re doing, moving to the other side of the world in a month? It’s big. Huge. And the feelings that come with it stretch me until I feel like an over-filled balloon.

Honestly, these emotions and their bigness scare me.

It can be awfully tempting to release some of the tension by pulling back ad stepping out of the moment. I grew up on the mission field, cycling through years of goodbye after transition after goodbye. I’ve learned withdrawal as a coping mechanism. If I’m not emotionally present, it won’t hurt so much.

But not this time.

    Not this time.

Because I’m not willing to dull the joy in order to avoid the pain.

This time and these people are too precious. They deserve to be noticed.

It’s worship to recognize God’s presence in the details. His glory is the undercurrent running beneath all of this, and if I make myself stop and pay attention, I see it clear.

I see His heart for me in the tearful eyes of a friend as we talk about the goodbye that’s coming fast. I feel His strength in the hands of people I love, holding my own. Every time I see a plane fly over and my heart leaps, I know core deep that God is growing in us the kind of love He has for the people of Papua New Guinea.

I can’t hear His heartbeat until I slow down, open my eyes completely, and let myself be pulled taught by the height and breadth and depth of what He is doing here. Right now.

It’s easier to rush ahead to the next thing or get bogged down in what we’ve left behind, because NOW is where the feelings roll and swell. It takes courage to drop anchor and face the full wind of emotions head on.

So when you think of us over the next few weeks, please pray this for us:

 That we will live and love unafraid. Right now.

This month is packed full with precious people and experiences that will trigger giant feelings.

And I don’t want to miss a moment.

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