What I Need

     I am needy.

There. I said it.

This is a label that has followed me most of my life. It has haunted the edges of every relationship I’ve known since someone first told me this in my early teen years. It’s the reason I have sometimes held back in my friendships, afraid of becoming too much to handle.

And this week I got called on this fear. Three times. By three different heart sisters.

Sometimes God has to work a little harder to get my attention.

I’ve told my story in front of a lot of people over the years, stood behind a microphone sharing intimate and painful details of my life with complete strangers. But when it comes to being soul bare with people I really love, that’s when I get scared. Caregiving, listening, praying for others – these are comfortable for me. I love being there for people who need a safe ear. Part of my identity is being a steady place for people who are in the middle of chaos.

But being steady in the middle of transition is like trying to stand still during an earthquake.

I’ve helped walk people through transition more times than I can count. But this is something I can’t do for myself. I need my friends who have had their own worlds shift like this.

I need their wisdom, their advice, their prayers.

    And their gentle, firm reminders that it’s ok to need them right now, because sometimes they need me, too.

We’re not meant to do this alone.

I can’t do this alone.

I’m weak.

Empty-handed.

Like a little child.

But I guess it’s ok that today I feel fragile and small and immature.

It’s when I’m a little girl with nothing to give that I run hardest after my Father. And in Him, I find everything I need.

“I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” ~ Mark 10:15 (NLT)